Dear mind, It’s 2am.

I started writing this in the midnight as I had a flash of memory that usually comes up just before I sleep. How I wish it was a pleasant one. Well, I remember the list of awkward things that happened in my life, totally cringe worthy, right before sleeping. And believe me, they are unavoidable thoughts. For most of them it might not seem to be so awkward. But counting myself who belongs to an introvert group, I really do feel those moments are truly awkward.

              As an introvert being, I was often told that I must come out, talk to people, participate in discussions etc. and these ideas really take away my sleep. I do have a set of friends I am comfortable with. And then there are people who ask “why don’t you talk?” .To this my answer is always an awkward smile which I can’t help. Maybe because I don’t have interesting topic to talk on? Or the topics I can talk are completely out of the world? Some days are so frustrating that I have loads of words stuck in my throat but sure that my tongue is going to fail me.

 In the class when the teacher asked a question, I was totally unsure about the answer and then my guesses turned out to be right (which I never said aloud). One day I decided that I am going to give the answer no matter what. It was General knowledge class (5th grade). At that age I had this interest in general knowledge because I felt it was easy and real facts. My teacher asked a question, “Name a word in English that contains all the vowels”. As I was excited to answer (actually freaking out), I didn’t listen to what she asked. I heard only ‘vowels’. The class topper got up and went to her and whispered (my teacher was confident that that boy knew the answer). The girl next to me got up and went to the blackboard and started writing. She wrote ‘definite’. I was wondering what new vowel is that that I don’t know. As told to myself that today is a big day to answer, I raised my hand and went forward to answer the question. With full confidence I picked up the chalk and wrote “AEIOU”. There was a moment of silence, and then a roar behind me. I turned back in a slow motion to see what was happening. Oh God! That’s it. I was glad that I gave them a good laugh, but then there was this inner me who said “damn it, you screwed it! What were you thinking”.

    I understood one thing, better clear your facts and listen before taking action. Teachers had a big complaint that I never spoke. Yes! I never did! Once my math teacher told my parents that I’m very talkative. Believe me that was the best compliment I ever got and my parents had a sigh of relief (they didn’t encourage it though).

Another embarrassing moment for me was the DJ at the mall. I was in 7th grade. My parents thought that I have a lot of talent and one of them was dancing. I sucked big time in that! They thought pushing me onto the dancefloor would ignite that dancing dragon in me and set the stage on fire. Well, the dancefloor was packed with small kids, like 4-5 years old kids which included my sister who knew how to dance. And there was me, who stood tall like a flamingo in the middle of some sparrow group. I guess the DJ knew that I really don’t know dance and I only knew the signature step of ‘hare ram hare ram’ from the movie Bhoolbulaiya (this movie was released then). I don’t understand why, but the DJ decided to get the track stuck on ‘hare ram’ chorus and I had only one step to do. Either he was trying to help me out by playing the chorus part for my step or he was having a good laugh behind. Well, I thoroughly got embarrassed. I ran down because I couldn’t take it. It was pretty lame, but I still can’t forget it. Even now I think, what made them push me for such stuff. They were trying to help me, but somehow it didn’t’ turn out well.

  And life went on, I got better. Until I was asked to give a command. I was a part of military training in my school and there was an amazing instructor who came to teach us. She was among the group of instructors who came to our school. I admired the way she carried herself and her confidence. In one of the session, we were taught how to command. So actually instead of teaching they made us command because practice makes it better. I was in squad 2 where she and another sir were the instructors. My eyes were glued on her. Each cadet was called out to give command. After few boys gave their command, the sir said that if we were unable to make up the command or don’t have the idea how to do it then we could follow the way any of the instructor did. So I was prepared that I was going to give command like her. My turn came. I took a deep breath. And gave the command. Now the twist is that instead of commanding like her, I imitated her unintentionally (unleashing the mimicry artist in me). And as usual, there was a roar of laughter, fortunately including her. And I was the star of the day.

 

All these embarrassments do take away my sleep, nevertheless they are sometimes the reason I smile before sleeping. Yet I haven’t shared other embarrassing incident probably because I don’t want to think about it and have a sleepless night again.

So see you later folks!

Thanks for reading.